NV
March 2017
ENVY or N.V. was the first word offered to me to explain my emotional distress when I had my first ever visit to a Kinesiologist. What a surprise this was! I couldn't really understand how this fit into my situation which related to working with a narcissist/bully.
My session identified someone who was hurting me ... who was very jealous and cruel. I don't how or why but I immediately knew who this related to. It was my narcissist.
I started to do a fair amount of research and came across Narcissist Pathological Envy. One of the major traits related to a narcissist is envy. Narcissists not only feel envy towards others they also project their own envy onto others. The narcissists superior attitude convinces them that everyone envies them instead of the other way around. They are totally self-absorbed and highly threatened by those brave enough to stand up to them.
MY NARCISSIST
The entire world had to revolve around him.
He couldn't deal with anyone disagreeing with him because he couldn't imagine being wrong. He responded with cold detachment and was quick to judge, criticise, ridicule and blame others.
Like a spoilt child he couldn't bear the attention not being on himself even for the smallest amount of time so he had to drag every conversation back to himself. People were subjected to the same story over, and over, and over, and over, again.
He took pleasure in manipulating people to break rules and social norms for him, only for him then to throw them under a bus.
Everything he did was to try to look good externally. He would grandstand and exaggerate everything, and wore a huge superiority complex and was driven by self-importance.
He would do anything to make himself appear to be a hero.
He enjoyed spreading negativity, deliberately manipulating and playing people against one another by planting lies and generally keeping people off-balance. He enjoyed arousing negative emotions to gain attention that made him feel powerful.
Narcissists are terrified of intimacy and adultery is an excellent tool in their attempt to retard intimacy and resort to a less threatening mode of interaction.
My narcissist frequently sprouted about his longstanding marriage to his school sweetheart. I made a huge mistake of voicing an observation without thinking, that he surely must have therefore had only one sexual partner. This did not go down well!!!
NV represents the envy I suffered under.
The cowered body shape signifies my fear and yielding under cruel intentions and behaviours.
The plastic covered face of despair realising the sense of hopelessness and suffocation as the punishment continued and people disappeared from sight for fear of contracting this highly contagious disease of innocence.
The evil eyes are the need for heightened vigilance from being a target for far too many years. Taking so long to realise that you've been manipulated, intimidated, lied to, handled, deceived and mistreated for so very long and by someone you had considered a friend as well as manager.
Other less obvious aspects of this piece include the 'snake in a suit' indicating my sociopath going to work. Others include my own face, panicked eye containing time, pitchfork, and words.
If you are in a situation where you are dealing with a narcissist please seek help. A decent psychologist can provide valuable tools to manage the dangerous minefield of their depraved behaviours.
Narcissists exist and are common in high-level positions, they are highly dangerous.
REMEMBER
Hold fast to your values
Seek help to gain tools to deal with these people
Remember that your vulnerability is your greatest strength so don't feel obligated to enter their game of bullying and intimidation
Give yourself permission to say "no" and not engage in their behaviour/s
Give yourself permission to feel upset and be kind to yourself
Remember that you have not done anything wrong
